Let's Lift Each Other Up

I’ve been reading “Strong Women Lift Each Other Up” by Molly Galbraith. Wow. Every woman needs to read this. She discusses how in our culture women are conditioned, or seem to feel the need to constantly compete with each other. We believe that to succeed, we need to bring others down, especially other women, because there just isn’t enough room for more than a few women to be successful…right? Wrong.

We’ve all been in situations where women have been catty, and you feel like they’re tearing you down and talking behind your back. It’s not all on them, it’s also on us. We’ve also all been in situations where we ARE the catty ones. I have felt this divide my whole life. I’ve always gravitated to having more guy friends because of this and it kills me, not because I don’t love my guy friends but because sometimes I feel like I’m missing out by not having close girlfriends. Why can’t we just support each other? Why don’t we want to help each other succeed?

It stems from our culture, and what we’re led to believe from childhood. It also stems from things like jealousy, low self esteem, and constantly comparing our lives or how our body looks. It stems from a lack of understanding when someone is different. Things. Need. To. Change.

What do we do? Maybe we could start by embracing self care, and figuring out who we are. It took me almost 40 years to figure out who I am, what I enjoy, how I like to spend my time, what my passions are… unfortunately, I think this is the norm, it takes time. I think a lot about what it would have been like if I had figured these things out sooner. As a timid, insecure, oblivious teen and 20 something, I had a rough time into my 30’s. It took a really messy breakup, depressive episodes, health scares, and many shed tears to bring myself to where I am today. But what if I had been stronger? What if I knew then what I know now? …or maybe I’m stronger because of all those things.

I’m happy now. I have a wonderful partner, a great career, a supportive community around me, but now I notice everything I used to suffer with all around me. So many people arguing, complaining, unhappy, tired, stressed, gossiping. Life is hard. But we need to stop blaming everything around us and start taking control of our lives. A couple of things I read a long time ago that have stayed with me is 1) Pay attention to what people do, not what they say. 2) Start before you’re ready. These two things have changed my relationships and changed my opportunities immensely. Everyone is scared and unsure of themselves, but people who are successful are the ones that act. You learn from your mistakes, and keep going. Period.

So how do we lift each other up? It could start with trust. Laying all the cards out on the table and discussing real things, you know, the deeper nitty gritty things that people tend to avoid. Asking questions, rather than making assumptions. I believe we need to stop thinking about self care as selfish. If more people took care of themselves, maybe we’d all be happier, get along better, help each other. I also think we all need to take a good long look at ourselves and figure out what lifts us up, and what knocks us down. Is there anything we can change to have more of what lifts us up? Find meaning.

My final thought is this: We are HUMAN. We all make mistakes, and we all have regrets. We have more in common than we often realize, and if we take the time to pause and ask questions maybe, just maybe, we can stop knocking each other down, and instead, lift each other up.